From Marie Segal

I first met Renee when I got the “Renee Award”. My friend Cindy from Oops desperate blogger http://oopsdesperateblogger.blogspot.com/ gave it to me. I went and I read about Renee at “Circling my Head”. I cried and sobbed and cried some more. This brought up things that I was not ready to deal with yet.

Let me explain, I had lost too many people to this disease called cancer, my family, my friends, my sister in law and my Mom was diagnosed with it. My mom made though, I am so relieved. I was mad really mad.

I wrestled with how I would tell Cindy that I did not want this award. Thanks anyway!!

I decided to go back and read the blog again. I saw the light that is Renee through my anger. I even commented and at that time I considered myself the unknown blogger. I did not want to become involved.

Renee I believe felt this. She comforted, she cajoled, she came, and visited, she wrote from her heart, and she loved, she played, she talked, she asked questions, she shared, she lived with a passion that I had not seen displayed so openly and freely.

Renee seemed to know when I was not right (she said she was psychic, I thought she was kidding) and she would ask pointed questions. I would tell her everything. I was not embarrassed to tell her things. It was like she kept my feelings in her hands gently and with large, large amounts of respect.

Something inside me shifted deep inside by meeting and knowing Renee, I will never be the same because of her friendship.

The more I thought about her and met people that were close to her the more I knew she did this with everyone she met.

She would weave us together and we are still together today, I love that. It was very real and very exciting and very scary all at the same time. I loved being able to trust someone so much! To know that she cared for me as much as she said she did and it was real. The year that I knew Renee has changed my life forever and I will never be the same ever again and I am so glad!!

Renee I love you so much. I talk to you every day. I know you hear me cause sometimes you answer ;-D

Fly Dear one, fly!

Marie Segal

From Babs

Dear Family, Friends and Readers of Renee,

I am truly honored to be included in a group that Renee called her friends.

I first discovered Renee through reading her comments on KJ's blog. She was so cleverly funny, sincerely kind, and genuine sounding in her appreciation and love of others, that I immediately wanted to know her myself. I clicked on her name to get to her blog and was blown away to discover that she was sick. Very sick. I couldn't believe it, as I'd never have known it by reading her comments to others. Renee was all about others, and not herself.

I was a little dismayed to see she had so many followers, but left a comment anyway, never dreaming she would have the time or interest to visit one more blog. But visit she did. It was never a 'generic' comment she left on my blog, but one that made me know she was actually reading, and knowing me,,,,me personally. I am including a favorite conversation I had with Renee. It's a comment I made on her blog, and her reply to it. It was a post about a fun group forming a virtual "Gypsy Caravan" to travel the world, spreading good cheer. I wanted so badly to join in and be a part of the fun, but didn't feel like I should jump into someone else's dream, uninvited. Maybe I could just follow along from the sidelines and enjoy watching the tour.

My comment:

"On the road again
like a band of gypsies we go down the highway
we're the best of friends, insisting that the world keep turning our way,,,,,"

oh,,,'scuse me, I got caught up in the moment.Willie says he and I can sit in, do a few sets in your Caravan Show if you're needin any more entertainers.

January 27, 2010 11:43 PM

And Renee's reply:

Oh darling you must join and you are gypsy 24. You and Willie can sing even that same song everyday if you both don't know any others.

Love you darling Babs.

Renee xoxo

January 28, 2010 6:24 AM

To me, this is the essence of Renee. To include all in her circle of love. To love when she didn't feel like it. To have fun and be witty while in such pain. To attend to others needs. Her grace and strength always shining.

I am so proud to be able to say that I know Renee, and I am her friend. I think of her daily and watch for her in all things beautiful in this world. Till we meet again Dear Renee,,,I will quote you: "Thanks for the priviledge".

Babs

Oklahoma, USA

From nollyposh

..

It has taken me a long time to write these words about our Dearest Renee...
.
Because her passing touched me in a place so deep within,
that it was too painful a process for my Heart..
For her passing into Spirit from my Life created a big hole...
and that was where for a time, that i fell... on my knees, deep into the darkness of loss...
Where my tears fell and my fears grew and my Heart broke and shattered like glass...
Our Dearest Renee was *gone*
And if the vibrant, the talented,
the completely Loved Renee could
~Disappear~
Then perhaps so could i too
in the blink of an eye...
My fears shouted this to me at night and whispered to me in my daylight hours
in the days, in the Lifetime since her death...
In this place that i fell, where even the brightest Sun could not reach into the depths of my darkness...
She had cancer and so once did i, so where were the differences between us? i wondered
And if she could not find her way through the darkness...
Then were we so different to each other?
So what did my Dearest Renee, my teacher, My~self, do?
She but took me by the hand and lead me down through the tunnels of my Fears
she went knowingly with me, with her eyes wide open and armed and ready like a soldier...
And like an avenging Angel she showed me how to fight the demons of my darkest places
and she did so with such vitality and bravery that it took my breath away...
She was sliced and bruised and bled by her monsters and yet she fought on
as i helplessly watched on with only my tears as a salve for her jagged cuts...
But did she fall? Never for she made her fears, her strengths, as only an Angel can
and she knitted them into a shawl, to keep her warm, and so when the voices tried to visit her in the darkness
she simply pulled her shawl closer like a shield... For she knew the thread was strong
because it was created from the Love of her Family and Friends and her Bloggy sista's in the Worlde Beyond
My sista, my Friend, Our Renee was and still is, i Believe, an Angel
who through teaching us how to die with Dignity
taught us All how to Live in Love
For that is All there is
~Love~
...and MY Renee taught me that

From Cinda Rae Oliverio

.
"Oh My God you have to make more videos.
.
If You could have seen my face you would be laughing your head off, I'm smiling like a cheschire cat.

Your beautiful and you have the nicest voice I have ever heard.
Love Renee xoxoxo"
.
YES! Renee was our "Biggest Fan, our Cheerleader!!! I miss her so! Sometimes her comment would be the only one for that day!on my Blog! I was always GLAD to see her stop by and visit! This comment was from the first video I ever made of myself! It was December 1 on my Blog. See the Big ROSE card in back? This is from her December 9th comment saying she would send my Cro collage card to someone special! Did anyone get it?!!
.

The other cards are ones she sent to me! The angel tile is how we met! It was the week of Vanessa's( A Fanciful Twist) TEA PARTY and Renee won the Angel tile!
.

http://turquoisecro.blogspot.com/2009_06_01_archive.html

.

Renee sent me an angel too! Did she know we would become breast cancer sisters?! I had my first chemo the day before Renee died! I heard the bell tower and every time I did, I thought of sweet Renee!!and her bats! She sent the sweetest cards! I LOVE YOU RENEE and YOU and your family will always be in my prayers! YOU know how much I miss YOU SWEET WOMAN!

.

Cinda Rae Oliverio aka CROTurquoise CRO Thyme

From Angela Recada

Renee showed me so many things, both through her example and through her wonderful way with words.

She showed me that it is fine to remember the past – but not to dwell there.

She showed me that is good to look to the future – but that there are no guarantees.

Most importantly, she showed me that it is best of all to appreciate and to live, as fully as possible, each day we are given – because it's all we really have.

She made me want to be a better person, and to follow my dreams.

I feel so blessed to know her, especially during the last year of her life.

Each one of her blog posts is a gift to anyone who comes across them. And they are a treasure to all of us whom she called her friends. But I really see each of these posts as a precious love letter to her family. Whether she was writing about her memories, her funny family stories, her tributes to her beloved family members, or her love of learning or reading or art or music or food or Christmas, she was giving those dearest to her a little piece of herself. These were the things that were important to her, and she knew she wouldn't live to say many of them to her dear, dear family when they would need to hear them.

I was just lucky enough to be able to read them and learn from them, too.
Renee's life was much too short, but the impact she had on me, and on many others, is huge. She showed me that, when all is said and done, LOVE is all that matters. And she was LOVE.

Renee gave me many things, and I will keep them, and her, in my heart forever. I only hope I gave her a fraction of what she gave me.
.
Love Angela

From Jackie

“Jackie I love you and the connection was there for us right from the
beginning. Right from the start we recognized each other and I am happy
that we did.”
Love Renee xoxo
.
I first discovered Renee through Art. I was blog hopping and her banner came up in an image search .

.

I arrived on a post however that talked about her cancer. I remember reading through the posts and I felt compelled to leave a comment. I had an Aunt who had passed away from breast cancer and I recognized Renee’s struggle. I wasn’t expecting the Impact that Renee would have on me . Renee could touch you in such a deep raw way. Her words had impact that often left me silent. In my first comment on her blog I wrote that “I wish that my Aunt and I had talked less about cancer” to which Renee responded that she had never heard that before. I explained that I felt that Cancer robbed my aunt and I from our precancer conversations.

.

You see, after cancer your conversations are changed forever . You are always looking beyond the surface . You become a sleuth. You listen, you watch.You are in search of the unspoken. I was always amazed at the strength my aunt had and that same strength was there in Renee. Renee gave a voice to cancer . She gave a voice to her sisters in cancer. I cried along as each one was “Welcomed Home."

.

In one post Renee talked about her need to tell her story so that she wasn’t forgotten .Anyone who knew Renee must have been amazed that she could even consider this. You could not forget
Renee.

.

Renee saw in each of us our vulnerabilities and she reached out and touched that part of you . She watered it with loving comments and encouraged you to grow. Like a mother who tells each of you in secret that you are her favorite child and after she is gone you realize that she loved you all equally.She had the ability to make you feel special.
.

From Renee I learned that what we say matters and how we interact with others makes a difference. A kind comment on someone’s blog is important. I realized the deep impact Renee had on me when her voice went silent. It was a silence that left a heavy void deep within. I knew
the silence meant that she would soon say “Goodbye."

.

I also knew that I was lucky to have known her and that I would carry a piece of her with me always. She is present in me. I hear her voice encouraging me when I struggle with my art and I encourage my “sisters “in art just as Renee encouraged me. Renee was a beautiful piece of Art and with the most vibrant shade of love she painted the words “Renee was here."

.
I love you Renee…xoxo

Jackie

From Julie

(original link: http://geishaschooldropout.typepad.com/geisha_school_dropout/2010/03/into-the-sun.html)

"For what is it to die, but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun…." --Kahlil Gibran

Regular readers of my blog will recognize her name: my friend Renee Khan, who fought Inflammatory Breast Cancer for 4 years, has passed away. Her family posted her obituary (and her last words) on her blog, Circling My Head. I can't express how much I love this woman, a woman whom I never met in person, but who touched my heart and thousands more with her humor and compassion. I miss her and can only imagine how much her family misses her.

One thing Renee was excellent at was making you feel like the most interesting writer and friend on the planet. She read and commented here faithfully, remembering all sorts of details about the kids, even sending them books...Mr. Happy for Isaac and Little Miss Stubborn for Emi. But get this: she didn't just do this for me. She was this active a friend to hundreds of people. Here is just a tiny sampling of the daily notes she wrote to me:

You must know that I think you are exactly perfect. You are my total cup of tea. Love Renee xoxox

Dear friend, yes to being better when people are alone or afraid. Especially you, who are so full of life and such a pleasure to know. Love Renee xoxo

Julie this is what happens when you know who you are. You don't let people change your children. xoxoxo

Julie, you don't know how much I wish you lived next door to me. I don't see why your best friend couldn't be a 53 year old woman who is totally crazy about you and your family and thinks you are the funniest person in the world. Love Renee xoxo

I will obey her commands :) and will be looking for pieces of her around me. Come find me, Renee! If you found me through the maze of the Internet, your spirit can find me waiting for you in California. I love you.