Saturday, April 17, 2010

From BT

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I am writing of my experience of that very special and beautiful lady Renee. The first comment I have on my blog from Renee was on 5th March 2009. By the time she died, I felt I had know her all my life. She always came across as caring, loving and having a wicked sense of humour.
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Renee used to blog alphabetically about dreams and their interpretation. I have some weird and wonderful dreams and commented about this once. Quick as a flash, Renee emailed me with her thoughts on my dream:
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Renee has left a new comment on your post "27th April 09, The Sun Shines on and Off":
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BT your garden is such a joy to be able to come and visit.
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Boy that dream you had....
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BT when you see someone being tortured in a dream would suggest that you are punishing yourself for negative or bad habits. You are projecting yourself onto the other person being tortured. It usually indicates repressed feelings that you can’t let out. The third especially placed in the chest symbolized inner vision and instinct. The two together are telling you that you can see what others cannot and you need to look within as the eye is in the chest to learn to trust your instincts. Forget the head and think of the heart.
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That will be five cents.

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Love Renee xoxox
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Don't you just love that last comment? 'That will be five cents' lol.
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Only once or twice did she ever mention her illness. I also asked about her faith and she was so open and candid. April 10th she said:
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With faith, I have it and then I don't and then I have it again. It does give me comfort.
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Love Renee xoxo
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Happy Easter
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Always thinking of others, it was hard to remember all she was going through in terms of her suffering. Just once she wrote:
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On the 23rd April:
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BT even though you show us tons of pictures of your garden, I always want more.
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Stable is good because with stage 4 it will only get worse.
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Love Renee xoxo

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As I re-read her comments, I am smiling. Renee liked to make you smile and was giving in every way. On one comment she added:
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Renee has left a new comment on your post "General Catch Up - Sunday, 29th March, 2009":
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BT the garden is divine and the little baby with your husband is so adorable.
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I have to tell you I can't exactly remember the comment you made on Ces's blog the other day, but I laughed my head off.
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Love Renee xoxo
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I can just imagine her throwing her head back and laughing! She had a special relationship with so many but particularly Ces and Bella Sinclair. I used to love reading the comments on Ces's blog between the three of them. It would have made a great situation comedy, just the three of them chatting away and falling about laughing.
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One of my favourite comments from Renee shows how freely she gave of herself:
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Renee has left a new comment on your post "Flower and Fern Mania, 28th April 2009":
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So darling BT does that stand for black tulips?
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Amazing and unique just like a certain BT I have come to know and love.
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xoxo

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Renee never wrote 'lol' but instead had her own unique expression of laughter:
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Renee has left a new comment on your post "30th April 2009 All Alone Am I....":
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I laughed at your 'a real BT nightmare' har har
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Love Renee xoxo

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As I read this now, it still makes me laugh.
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One day, Renee used one of my photos to illustrate her dream letter:
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Renee has left a new comment on your post "Doorus Panorama, Gardening, Photos 1st may 2009":
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No need to feel silly little goose.
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BT you know how I do the dreams sponsored by a letter, well this time it is a T and I took some of your black tulip pictures a few days ago for it, but I hope it is okay I am going to use your picture of this black tulip from today's post. xoxoxo

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I was so thrilled and honoured. I once asked what people liked (or didn't) about my blog and she said it was me, of course (!) but mostly the flowers. I am so glad I was able to give the special lady some small pleasure in blogland.
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I will just add one more dream interpretation from Renee or this will turn into 'War and Peace'!
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Renee has left a new comment on your post "May 6th, 2009. More Wind! News from Oz and UK":
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I love the panoramas.
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Thanks for letting me use your tulip -- did you recognize it?
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Your dream:
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To dream of being with someone who is gay and that person is rejecting your advances means that you are rejecting a masculine quality of your own. You may be rejecting a characteristic you think unworthy of yourself.
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To see an explosion signifies repressed anger. Your unconscious is trying to get your attention. .
Put the two together and it would signify a need of acceptance of you as a whole person. Both feminine and masculine qualities are to be embraced. Example if you are a good business person that is considered masculine, a good farmer, again masculine.
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Self acceptance is something that you need to deal with because it repeats it self in cycles. As in every few months, years, etc. you get angry at yourself for things you feel, but also feel you should be above.
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There is a need to accept your whole self.
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That will be 5 pennies.
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Love me, your friend the amateur dream therapist.
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xoxoxo

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Her prices varied!!
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It is difficult to explain what a void Renee's death has left in my heart. I guess, like many her blogland friends, I knew Renee was terminally ill but hid that thought away. I still find it hard to think she will never leave another comment for me or tell me she loves me.
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I am just thrilled to have known you Renee, angel in Blogland.
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With love
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Gina (Deen)
BT - The Crafty Gardener.

3 comments:

  1. Gina, so many wonderful memories between you and Renee.... I am happy you two found "met" and that you provided joy and laughter to each other.

    Thank you so much for sharing this.....Renee's family will treasure your entry.

    Hugs,

    ♥ Robin ♥

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  2. I just came over from "circling my head" and now that I have wiped the tears from your words, I want to share with you the very thing that touched me most about Renee besides her wonderful posts. She made an occasional comment on my blog, but there was something much more profound. People wrote to me about her as a person after they read her comment on my post. I cannot express enough to you how beautifuly that thought snuggled into my spirit and moved me. She touched so many in such warm and caring ways. You talked of missing her so much. Yes, the missing part is so painful. I can only tell you that when I miss my parents or twin brother, all I do is go into my heart and they are always there. They know when you need them, their love embraces your essence with all their memories. Whenever I need to be with them I am. Your lovely Renee is with you too, always. Celebrate her life. Go into your heart. You'll feel her. God bless.

    Katharina

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