It has taken me a long time to write these words about our Dearest Renee...
Because her passing touched me in a place so deep within,
that it was too painful a process for my Heart..
For her passing into Spirit from my Life created a big hole...
and that was where for a time, that i fell... on my knees, deep into the darkness of loss...
Where my tears fell and my fears grew and my Heart broke and shattered like glass...
Our Dearest Renee was *gone*
And if the vibrant, the talented,
the completely Loved Renee could
Then perhaps so could i too
in the blink of an eye...
My fears shouted this to me at night and whispered to me in my daylight hours
in the days, in the Lifetime since her death...
In this place that i fell, where even the brightest Sun could not reach into the depths of my darkness...
She had cancer and so once did i, so where were the differences between us? i wondered
And if she could not find her way through the darkness...
Then were we so different to each other?
So what did my Dearest Renee, my teacher, My~self, do?
She but took me by the hand and lead me down through the tunnels of my Fears
she went knowingly with me, with her eyes wide open and armed and ready like a soldier...
And like an avenging Angel she showed me how to fight the demons of my darkest places
and she did so with such vitality and bravery that it took my breath away...
She was sliced and bruised and bled by her monsters and yet she fought on
as i helplessly watched on with only my tears as a salve for her jagged cuts...
But did she fall? Never for she made her fears, her strengths, as only an Angel can
and she knitted them into a shawl, to keep her warm, and so when the voices tried to visit her in the darkness
she simply pulled her shawl closer like a shield... For she knew the thread was strong
because it was created from the Love of her Family and Friends and her Bloggy sista's in the Worlde Beyond
My sista, my Friend, Our Renee was and still is, i Believe, an Angel
who through teaching us how to die with Dignity
taught us All how to Live in Love
For that is All there is
...and MY Renee taught me that