Monday, March 22, 2010

From Jos (Jay Cee)


How do you summarize a person?? Well of course it can't be done. But since you were so generous to offer the chance to contribute a few paragraphs I have tried to condense a snapshot of Renees impact upon me. So inadequate, but then ... what could possibly suffice?? I have tried, but it's crap ... it's nowhere near. But even so.
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Thank you so much for doing this. Sorry .... we in England are not so great about expressing ourselves ... stiff upper lip and all that. I love Renee. It sounds so simple and yet for someone English it means so much.
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So I hope you understand when I cut & paste it here...
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It was in late Spring 2009 that I first “met” Renee online. It soon became a regular feature of my day to exchange messages with her. Funny really … it feels like I’ve known her for such a short time and yet also like she’s been a part of my life for ages and ages. Some people are like that I guess … so comfortable … but not many, at least not many I’ve come across. Of course Renee had a peculiar knack of making pretty much anyone she came across feel like a special friend. It always struck me how very intuitive she was, always finding that “just right” thing to say … in turns supportive, positive, cajoling, comforting, humorous, bawdy, gentle, uplifting … all these things but also very real at the same time. How lucky I am that our paths crossed at all.
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It was only as I read back through her blog archive that I became aware of the enormity of the battles she’d already fought with the demon cancer. We hardly ever talked about it although once in a while she’d be having a particularly shitty day with the pain and tell me how things were going on that front. What she talked of more was the deeper pain she felt at having to leave her family behind when the time came. It seemed as if this hurt her more than the cancer itself. Even so she often affirmed her belief in life in the hereafter. She’d seen Sheldon there with her dad … on a beach, looking out to sea. She’d seen them and believed she’d be joining them quite soon. She said so, and the simplicity of that belief in the face of such hard times was something I still find awe inspiring. Such faith deserves reward and so I pray that Renee is revelling in being with her many family and friends in eternity. oI hpe to see her there myself one day.
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I have a fridge magnet that Renee sent me last year. It’s at eye level right near the handle so I can see it every time I’m there in my kitchen. It reminds me that there are in life some rare people who just waltz straight into your heart and take up residence there for all time … people who believe in you despite little evidence that they should do so .... and just come right out and say so. Somehow that kind of faith is contagious and so it is that they help to restore a measure of faith in ourselves, and in others too. And I suppose that is part of the lasting gift she has left me. Whenever I write a message nowadays and I want to joke around I write har har har … it’s such a small thing and yet it makes me smile and think of Renee ... so that’s it. I love you Renee, always. See you on that day.
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xx
Jos (Jay Cee)

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